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"Smoking helps you lose
weight -- one lung at a time!"
"Today, if you ask a car dealer to let you
see something for 10 grand, he'll show you the
door!"
"Medical insurance is what allows people to
be ill at ease!"
"Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot
meals and a college education, while on the
outside some people can only afford these things
through a life of crime!"
"Thank's to the new welfare bill, the
question "Paper or plastic?" now refers to many
American's sleeping arrangements!"
"In retrospect it becomes clear that
hindsight is definitely overrated!"
"Most people are so lazy, they don't even
exercise good judgement!"
"If opera is entertainment, then falling off
a roof is transportation!"
"A college jock is someone who minds his
build instead of vice versa!"
"The only advantage to living in the past is
that the rents are much cheaper!"
"Getting old is when a narrow waist and a
broad mind change places!"
"How come stealing from one book is
plagiarism, but stealing from many is research?"
"It takes one to know one -- and vice versa!"
"Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every
McNugget weighs the same!"
"Teenagers are people who act like babies if
they're not treated like adults!"
"A teacher is someone who talks in our
sleep!"
"How come we choose from just two people for
President, and fifty for Miss America?"
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people
do it every day!"
"You can be on the right track and still get
hit by a train!"
"Blood is thicker than water... but it makes
lousy lemonade!"
"The U.N. is a place where governments
opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
"A plastic surgeon's office the only place
where no one gets offended when you pick your
nose!"
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